Can you spell H-E-A-V-E-N?

Mommy passed away on 18th January 2011 at 12.30 PM.

I'm glad I could spend my last night in the hospital next to mom.
 A priest came and gave mommy a blessing. That gave me a good feeling. 
I know mommy is in a better place. 

I still think it's so unfair. Why mommy? I love mommy alot.
Many people told me how strong I am at the moment.
My eyes are all puffy like a walnut and I totally look like a mess... 
I don't feel strong at all.

Also thank you for the manymanymany sweet comments! I'm perplexed.
Especially überthanks to the übersweet Melody
I want to give everyone a hug!

Night view from the hospital.
 My bed next to mommy. The nurses were super kind and thoughtfull.

 While holding hands & staring into the sky with million of tears.


  1. :'( your mom is definitely in heaven watching over you <3
    I have never lost a loved one and cant imagine the pain you are going through but judging from your post you are a strong girl. Crying shows you are human not weakness! We live so far away from each other, if only i could give you a hug it'll be a very long one. For now *virtual hug*.
    Take care mei, the sky is beautiful and the best part is your mum is in heaven smiling back <3<3

  2. words fail me, right now. i don't know how to help or how to support. a really important family member of mine died some years ago, too. well, life goes on, but you'll never forgive the pain and the empty place of your beloved person. so you will learn, but never understand why it was your mother who had to become ill and finally die.
    you're right: life is fucking unfair! >_< but i think it was really good for you spending the last time with your mum.
    i haven't thought that time, that my beloved person would die. so i was too careless and haven't seen him the last three days before he died. i hate myself for this still today!
    keep being strong Mei!

    ShuShu ♥

  3. Condolences Mei.
    Although, I'm just a buddy online.
    I can feel the sadness that is you.
    Be strong Mei.

  4. Gecondoleerd!!!

    I'm sorry to hear your mother passed away!

  5. I really just had watery eyes when I looked at your pictures.. =[ I can imagine how sad and hurt your family is right now.

    Stay strong Mei en gecondoleerd =[


  6. Oh Mei, I don't even know where to begin. I didn't think something this sad would occur. I kept thinking that our prayers and wishes were magic. I'm so sorry to read of what has happened. It will take time to heal, but I really hope you'll be smiling again soon.

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Take care.

    Love from Gerry ♥

  7. Mei ... I'm so sorry.
    :( I'm crying heaps right now even though I've never met your mum. I had hoped that our wishes could've somehow broken through this and gotten your mum better. But I'm really sorry.

    You're strong love. You're strong for showing your emotions. Let your tears out because your mum deserves to have her daughter cry for her <3

    I love you heaps ! And I wish there was something that I could do for you now :( You can talk to me whenever you need to xo

  8. Gecondoleerd! I wish you all the strength that you need to get through this!
    You will be in my prayers
    stay strong!

  9. Mei, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, many condolences to you. My eyes are filled with tears... it really isn't fair. I know what it's like to lose a loved one but I can't imagine what it'd be like to lose a parent :( My heart sincerely goes out to you and your family, please stay strong <3 We'll be thinking of you through these tough times xoxo

  10. My deepest condolences Mei...
    I'm really sorry to hear about your mom... But she is definitely in heaven watching over you and she will be there for you no matter what! I'm sure she is the happiest mom, with the bestest daughter who was at her side till the very end.
    RIP Mei's mum. Stay strong girl...

  11. *e-huggie* D:!!
    I found this really lovely poem on the net, with an unkown author, I hope it helps ... in a way :S

    "When somebody dies, a cloud turns into an angel and flies up to tell God to put another flower on a pillow. A bird gives the message back to the world and sings a silent prayer that makes the rain cry. People disappear, but they never really go away. The spirits up there put the sun to bed, wake up the grass, and spin the Earth in dizzy circles. Sometimes you can see them dancing in a cloud during the daytime when they're supposed to be sleeping. They paint the rainbows and also the sunsets and make waves splash and tug at the tide. They toss shooting stars and listen to wishes. And when they sing wind songs, they whisper to us, "Don't miss me too much. The view is nice, and I'm doing just fine" "

  12. I'm so sorry to hear about ur loss. I really hope your okay and please stay strong.

    Love Grace x

  13. I'm so sorry, i don't know what to say in such moments, to comfort you, i know that no consolation would be helpful. But my heart goes out to you and your family.

  14. Dit brengt echt tranen in mijn ogen.
    Gecondoleerd Mei!! :( Ik wens je superveel sterkte lieve Mei voor jou en je familie!!
    Stay strong, kon ik maar meer doen! :(
    Take care!!

  15. I'm so sorry to hear that!
    That made me sad when i read this post.
    I really don't know what to say!

    i just can say stay strong!


  16. Dear Mei,

    I know you will get through this because you are a very strong girl. Your mom will definitely be watching over you in heaven.

    My condolences to you and your family.

  17. gecondoleerd lieve schat,
    ik wens jou en je familie heel veel sterkte en geluk,

    liefs, yaan xx

  18. oh dear, im so sorry for your loss, but bear in mind, your sweet mom is an angel and is guarding you always, stay strong, i know you are!

  19. I'm so sorry for your loss Mei. I'm glad that the hospital allowed you to spend the last night with her so she could at least pass knowing that someone who cares deeply for her was at her side. I wish I had more comforting words to say, but to be honest I was never really good at this sorta thing. Best wishes to you and your family, I'm sure your mother is smiling down upon all of you from heaven <3

  20. My condolences sweetie. -big hug- You and your family are in my thoughts.

  21. I am so sorry about your loss :'( I hope your mom is in a happier place now.

  22. Sorry to hear that ;_; I'm sure she's in heaven watching over you. Stay strong. Don't just remember sad memories, remember the good happy ones too. I wish you the best.

  23. omg I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine how you must feel right now. My condolences to you and your family and wherever your mum is she is definitely in a wonderful place. Stay strong <3 <3

  24. I am so sorry to hear that your mum passed away.
    Sincere Condolences!

    Your mum will always be there and look after you from the sky.
    I wish you lots of power to sit out the upcoming time.

    We never met in person but I want you to know that I think about you and send my prayers to you!

  25. i'm so so so sorry to hear that :( big hugs! i'm sure having you by her side meant the world to her. stay strong!


  26. oh god that made me cry :C
    i just wanted to thank you for the nice comment and then i read this!
    i'm so sorry for your loss.
    my sincere condolences.
    your mum lives on within your heart forever ♥

  27. I don't know you but I am so sorry to hear that your mom has left you. :( And don't worry about crying your head off-- you ARE strong for being able to continue to live after something so painful had happened. I know your life will never be the same without your precious mommy but just reliving those happy moments will have to do. <3 Take care of yourself~

  28. This ... is so horrible. I'm slowly tearing up right now and I know I don't know you that well or your mom but this is just so disheartening.
    Mei, please stay strong, even if you feel like crying. Its never wrong to cry, cry until you can't produce any tears anymore.

    That was very nice of the nurses and the hospital to allow you to sleep next to your mom ... Your mom is in a safe place now, she won't have to suffer through any pain anymore. I'm very upset about this. I hope that you and your family will be able to go through this well ... your mom's safe in heaven. Looking through your images is just so powerful. I wish I could give you a hug. I hope the best for you Mei. :(

  29. Mei,

    I don't even know how to start this off because my heart truly goes out to you and your family. I know it must be a difficult time right now but I know how incredibly brave you are. But it's also ok to shed some tears- emotions are what remind us that we are human. It's always hard to find words to try to heal a friends heart because we don't know thoroughly understand what is going on in your mind and heart but I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you, we all are. Death is a tricky and arduous one but I always think of it as the day our souls truly start to live. Instead it's a celebration of the life and legacy we live behind in the world. I'm sure your mom truly lived incredibly amazing and will continue to flourish in heaven & continue to be around you as well. Our bodies do have an end but we, our souls, never die. I know this is a sad poem by Melinda Sue Pacho but it's one that I truly believe to be true.

    Do not stand at my grave and forever weep.
    I am not there; I do not sleep.
    I am a thousand winds that blow.
    I am the diamond glints on snow.
    I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
    I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
    When you awaken in the morning’s hush
    I am the swift uplifting rush
    Of quiet birds in circled flight.
    I am the soft stars that shine at night.
    Do not stand at my grave and forever cry.
    I am not there. I did not die.

    She will forever be with you. That I know for sure. :) I'm sending all my love, positive vibes and a prayer over to you and your loved ones. May you guys continue to have the strength to keep on keeping on.

    With love and respect,
    R. Gratz.

  30. hi... ive just found your blog and i hope you're feeling alright about your loss =/
    R.I.P to your mom~ >O<

  31. I was so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. But I admire your strength and love for her and I am sure she was very glad to have you with her. (Hugs)

  32. its incredible that you captured these moments.
    thank you so much for sharing something so personal and i am very sorry for your loss

  33. Oh my gosh, I'm so incredibly sorry - this must be a really hard time for you, but I'm sure you'll pull through because you seem like a strong and lovely girl.
    She definitely is in a better place, watching over you I'm sure! I hope these thoughts help you feel better during this sad time.

  34. Dear Mei..
    i feel you deeply, i lost my dad too just 2 mths back..

    i won't tell you things like "Everything gonna be alright" because it is not alright.

    but i will tell you this,
    live well stay strong be happy.
    i believe these are what your mum wishes for ultimately.


  35. I don't have words to express my condolences. I'm really sorry about this thing,i don't even know what to say to make you feel better...

  36. Hey girl! You're here with me in my prayers and in my thoughts! I wish I could hold your hand and give you a big hug. You're a very strong girl and know that your mom is very proud of you! I know this is a very hard time for you and I hope you understand that you can live life with a bright smile and with a new attitude that you can take on anything! With so much love from me...

    Take care and we all love you!! xoxoxoxoo

  37. My sincerest condolence to you and your family. I'm pretty sure your Mommy is in a better place right now. Cheer up.

  38. I'm so sorry for you loss ): I don't really know what it feels like, but don't be harsh on yourself. She's up in heaven resting peacefully right now. I hope you learn to smile again because life does go on, and this experience will only make you stronger.

  39. im so sry for u.
    almost have to cry when i read this post :/

  40. I'm so sorry about your loss. If it makes you feel better, your mum is in a better place. At least she got to spend her last moments with a beautiful view outside and you by her side. I haven't lost anyone close, so I can't imagine what you're going through. I hope you feel better soon.

  41. this is such a beautiful post. may she rest in peace. no doubt that you will continue to make her proud. please accept my condolences from me, a stranger.

    F. ( x

  42. so sorry for your loss. i'm sure this must be a difficult time, but know that she is in a better place.

  43. O mijn god gecondoleerd :O
    Heel veel sterkte he!!

  44. I'm really sorry for your loss, I'm sure your mum is in a better place right now watching you to grow stronger than ever... xx

  45. I'm sooooooo sorry for you! :( Hope everything turns ok as soon as possible! Your mum is watching you from heaven now :)

  46. i'm sorry ='( it makes me sad when someone is dead even though i don't know about the person. i hope that you stay strong and go forward!

    <3 have courage!

  47. I am so sorry to hear that about your mom.
    I'm sure your mother loves you very much and is watching over you in Heaven.
    As long as you continue loving her, she will always be by your side<3
    Keep strong, Mei!
    stop by sometime, xx natalie

  48. Hi. Just wanted to say I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

    I have lost a few friends from childhood and the pain is indescribable. I just hope you know that even when you fine yourself on your own, you are definitely not alone.

    I pray you receive strength to carry on. :(

    x x

  49. mei, im so sorry to see this, i just saw your post on how your mother fell sick. know i dont know you or your mother, and this may be only the second time commenting on your blog, but i really cant bare these life and death circumstances

    and i was really hoping to help pray and folded some cranes to hope for the good luck to occur.

    but then i saw this right after, i felt so bad!! i cringed and tears fell because i cant bare thinking of how you would feel right now. I know no words or actions can heal you at the moment. But i hope you will be strong and live on to take care of yourself. your mother must be in heavens above watching you and taking care of you. and i really do hope you will take care of yourself and your family from now on.

  50. damnit. i cried. it was so touching how you were there to comfort her. I mildly know how you felt, but in the end I cannot even come to imagine how you feel now. im speechless.. damnit. i dont know what to say but I really really really want to hug you and just cry, and smile. She will always be with you.

  51. Gecondoleeerd meid :( Ik wens jou en je familie veel sterkte!

  52. Oh my god you're so strong.
    I know how crazy I went when only my cousin 'left' . We were really close and really, he was gone over nothing. And I was so upset and so mad and so hurt ... I punched walls and things and ... idk how you do it. I just think you're very strong. This post of yours makes me think that. Maybe you was prepared or smth, but I think you are very strong. Keep it up, I think she's very proud of you. I would be.

    Sorry if my comment brings you to think back to it again. I just had to.

  53. May your mom rest in peace

    and be strong! dont let your self down.


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